Grandmotherisms

I love my grandmother. She is probably the funniest, craziest (in a good way) person that I know. Here is a small sampling of the things that she says that make me laugh.

"Brownies and ice cream....you eat a brownie with ice cream, I guess."


"I was drunk this morning." Note: she was not actually drunk
"I'm not going to a movie with this drunk head."

"I thought you said that coffee wasn't any good."
"It ain't."
"Then why are you drinking it?"
"I need something to do."

"Cheese is so good. And yogurt, frozen yogurt."

"She's reading about vampires. Cheers!"

"Do you have a garbage disposal?"
"yeah."
"That's good. I love a garbage disposal."

And my favorite grandmother moment of all time from a few years ago. Jess and I were in her bedroom as we were getting ready to go to church. Grandmother was looking everywhere, in all of her drawers, and couldn't find the pantyhose that she was looking for. She started freaking out, like completely going crazy as she ruffled through her drawers. All of a sudden, she started chanting to herself, "Calm down, now. Just calm down." After a few minutes, she was finally able to calm down. I was laughing too hard to notice if she ever found the pantyhose.

There is also a story that my grandmother tells about me that I find a bit humorous. When I was like 2 or 3 I was at her house, watching her make brownies. She had them in the pan, ready to put in the oven, and I asked, "Aren't you gonna put any nuts on them?" So, in compliance with what she assumed with her granddaughter's wishes, she covered the brownies with nuts, and put them in the oven to bake. When they were done she asked me if I wanted a brownie. I said, "No, I don't like nuts."