Grad School....more like Bad School!!

We are the hero of our own story. - Mary McCarthy


Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

If you don't know, I am currently in grad school working on my Master's in Bilingual Eduation and I'm also teaching full time. And I have to say, it sucks. I feel like all I do is work - whether it be writing papers, grading papers, reading, studying, lesson plans, and all kinds of other boring, necessary stuff. I think that right now I would give just about anything to go back in time a year and not start the whole grad school thing. I'm halfway done now, so it's a little too late to quit, but seriously, I hate my life right now. I work so hard, and for what??? So that I can have another piece of paper at the end with my name on it, and maybe, just maybe, get paid an extra $100 a month??? It just really doesen't seem worth it, and there are many days when I really feel like it is going to kill me. I hardly ever get to have fun anymore, and I hate it. I love my job, and I would never do anything else, but it is very draining work and I am always tired. Grad school was a huge mistake. It is sucking all of the life out of my life.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Going back to the whole grad school thing - there are lots of not so smart people in my classes. I'm not sure if it's just that I'm really smart, or they really aren't, but seriously, get a clue!!! I'm an intelligent person, and I catch on to things really quick, and I hate being treated like a dummy. This happens at work sometimes, and it drives me nuts. Don't waste your time and energy telling me things that I already know and have already figured out - focus on the less fortunate people that really need you, and let me go home early if I don't need to listen to you - because, really, all I'm doing is texting and drawing pictures anyway.

It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody.

I really like to win. I am a sore loser and a sore winner. When I lose I pout and manipulate the situation so that I actually end up winning. When I win I gloat and make the loser feel bad. I'm not sure why I'm this way, I just am. I guess that it's just too bad that for me to win someone else has to lose. Lately I feel like I've had a really hard time winning and losing graciously. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be successful and live up to my own expectations, and with everything that is going on, I am not okay with mediocrity. Yes, I know that this isn't always a bad thing, but I definitely take it too far. I'm sorry if I ever tried really hard to beat you and hurt your feelings or made you feel dumb or took all of the fun out of whatever we were doing.

I don't really like life right now, but happiness is on its way. Tomorrow is my last class of the semester, and I'm only taking one in the spring, so I will be able to have a life again. I will be less tired, less stressed, and I will actually come out of my apartment sometimes. Watch out, world, Emily is finally free again!!!!!!